Today was a really long and really good for me. It was a day spent surrounded by love. As such, I am pretty much ready to drift off into a long, deep sleep.
Before I do, I want to take a moment to celebrate my little brother. Mr. Marcus is my best friend. He is my family and he just plain awesome. That is why, over the years, I have written various characters that are based on him. He has a supporting role in everything that I write.
Next month, I have decided to participate in the WordPress challenge to write a novel in a month. As I have begun my preparations to move forward with this new challenge I have been reading some of my old stuff. Needless to say, he figures heavily in a lot of it. I figured that there was no better way to wrap up a day like to today than to share a little bit about the one person (other than my son) who has always loved me unconditionally and who has made my life bearable.
The following is an excerpt from something I worte a few years back about my little brother and the day we first met. Mr. Marcus is not my biological brother. In our hearts and our lives that is a technicality. After you read this, you might get a sense of why he and I are (now and forever) family.
Chapter 1.
Emma’s eyes burned as she furiously rubbed them as though the action could somehow wipe away the past 24 hours of her life. The bitterness of reality was sharper on her tongue today than it had been for a long time. She shook her head back and forth slowly, yet another wave of disappointment crashing over her. She had convinced herself that she was over it all; that her past was in her past and that she had left it all behind. But it was a lie. It was all right there beneath the surface festering and seething. It had taken so little for her façade to crack and for the despair to claim her.
Her eyes were still burning. She had spent the better half of her day hyperventilating and sobbing. It had been so violent that the sobs racked through her like high tide crashing upon a fragile, sandy shore. With every crash another piece of her was torn away and carried off in the tumult. Perhaps it was a good thing. Perhaps the scrubbed, raw remains of her sad little heart was all that she could handle.
“Breathe,” she reminded herself. Lost in her emotion, she didn’t realize that she had been holding her breath. She opened her mouth and wriggled her aching jaw from side to side trying to release some of the tension in the muscles that had been clenched for so long. She was always secretly afraid that all of her teeth grinding was one day going to lead to a cracked tooth.
“Excuse me miss, are you ok?” Emma jerked her head up blinkingly as the profusion of colors caused by her pressing on her eyes faded from her sight. “Huh” was the only response she could muster as she looked, confused, at the man standing in front of her.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” the man said with a mix of concern and embarrassment, “it is just that you look…” His voice trailed off as he searched for the right word to describe her. Miserable, pathetic, awful; a host of adjectives ran through her head.
“Sad.” the man said. She regarded him warily not exactly sure what to make of a person who would say something like that to a complete stranger. But she was too exhausted to pull her thoughts together and way beyond caring enough to do so.
“I am,” she said in a barely audible whisper as she averted her gaze to the floor while a fresh wave of tears brought a new sting to her sore eyes. How could she possibly cry more? The man continued to hover over her and she could feel his indecision as to what to do. “Just go away,” she thought. But he continued to stand there in front of her shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other. She continued to press her fists into her eyes, her head drooping listlessly towards the floor as her elbows dug into her knees under its weight. She heard the man let out a defeated sigh and slowly start to shuffle away with slow, short, hesitant steps. She could feel him looking at her over his shoulder still wrestling with what the right thing to do was.
“Hey old man…what’s wrong did you forget how to use your feet.” She looked up to see what was going on now, blinking in the sudden brightness and saw a guy about her own age bounding towards the stranger with a huge smile on his face, obviously teasing the old man. He warmly grabbed the man in a huge bear hug as the old man chided back “Nope, I can just control them a little better than you can control your mouth.”
“Ha ha” responded the kid with a mixture of sarcasm and affection. With his arms still around the old man, his eyes fell upon her. The two broke away from their hug with his eyes still on her. His face still bore all of the open easy joy of his reunion with the older man but mixed in was a shadow of curiosity. He tore his eyes away from her, his focus returning to his companion. The old man leaned in close to the younger one and they began to speak softly in hushed tones. She could see that the man was trying to discreetly point her out and in turn the young guy’s gaze shifted back and forth between her and the old man.
She tried to avert her eyes from the pair but there was something about the warm open face of the boy that kept her momentarily transfixed. He was well over six feet tall and almost painfully thin. She remembered her father had once told her that he had grown six inches over the summer that he turned 15 and she imagined that this guy was coming off of some similarly epic growth spurt. He had to lean over slightly to speak with the older man and there was a certain awkwardness about the way he carried his frame. But it was not his size that made her forget the misery she had been feeling only a few moments prior; it was his smile. She shuddered as another ragged breath entered her lungs. She had been holding her breath again and the cold air rushing into her lungs broke her out of the temporary escape of the tall boy’s warm smile and features. The calm was replaced with a sudden and intense panic. She had to get away, NOW! She clumsily grabbed at her backpack and jacket on the floor and headed straight for the nearest door nearly dropping her bag and tripping over her own feet in her haste.
“Wait” she heard the younger guy call out from behind her. She was halfway across the terminal when he called out to her. He quickly overtook her, carried forward on his long legs.
“Hey,” he said grabbing her shoulder gently. She recoiled violently at his touch spinning and staring at him with terror spelled across her features. He hesitated when he saw the look on her face; suddenly unsure of what to do. She just stood there clutching her bag tightly to her chest while the older man came rushing up to the two of them. He put his hand on the boys shoulder soothingly and held his other hand out towards her with his palm facing up like he was approaching a spooked animal. Which, for all intensive purposes, she was.
“It’s ok,” he said, “you will have to forgive my grandson, he gets a little ahead of himself sometimes. My name is Fred and this is Reese.” He motioned towards his grandson, his eyes still trained on her. She just stood there clutching her bag and appraising them warily trying to figure out what to do next.
“What the hell have I gotten myself into now.” she thought. It was like this day could not possibly get any worse. She felt it all welling up inside of her again. Her head started to spin; she just couldn’t take anymore. The grief poured over her and she crumbled down onto her knees suddenly too overwhelmed to hold herself up any longer.
Fred slowly lowered himself into a crouch across from her, softly saying, “It’s ok, it’s ok we just wanted to ask if you would like to have something to eat with us. Look, over there across the street there is a Pizza Hut and my grandson here,” he motioned again to Reese, “eats like a horse. I doubt he could go an hour without stuffing his face with something.” She looked across the deserted bus terminal and out the dirty windows at the glowing, distorted image of the Pizza Hut sign. She looked back at Fred and then up at Reese who was just standing there looking totally bewildered. She raised both of her hands up to rub across her face in an effort to clear her head and make sense of all that was happening.
“Ow..” Reese took a sharp intake of breath and knelt down right in front of her. “Does that hurt?” She looked at him, now only inches away from her, unsure of what he was talking about. He was looking at her right hand and it was like his gaze had suddenly brought life back into her hand and she felt the stinging of the three deep cuts that crossed the top of her hand from her wrist to her knuckles. She quickly pulled her sleeve down to cover the wounds and put her hand behind her back as she shifted her weight backwards and stood up.
“No, it’s fine. It’s nothing,” she mumbled. But she could tell he wasn’t buying it. It was not nothing, it was everything. She shook her head, trying to dislodge the memories before another round of tears rolled in.
“Um, I’m Emma,” she blurted out hastily, hoping to change the subject before either of them asked any more questions about her hand. Fred and Reese exchanged a surprised look between them. It was clear that neither of them knew exactly what they should do next. It was at that moment she realized that these two guys, despite their obvious “friendly” flaw weren’t going to do anything to hurt her.
As she looked at both of them standing there full of concern, something in her just deflated. She bit her lip and shifted nervously not sure what to say next. “Um, it’s really…nice” the last word came out a bit more accusingly than she meant it to “of you to invite me but I don’t know either of you and I kinda forgot my wallet at home.” She felt like an idiot as the words came out of her mouth. She silently berated herself for once again saying the wrong thing and coming off too harshly and generally just being an all around screw up.
Reese knew that she was lying about the wallet. He doubted this girl had a wallet, no less a home. Her clothes were not exactly dirty but she was unkempt, rumpled. She was wearing jeans with the knees torn out, a white tank top, a long sleeve green and white flannel button down shirt and a pair of thick-soled black Doc Martin boots. Total grunge girl. Her clothes were a stark contrast to his cleanly pressed jeans, Air Jordan’s and polo shirt. He was meticulous about his clothing. Being as tall as he was and the son of a single mom, he had to take care of his clothes and shoes because replacing them was not only a hassle (size 14 shoes are hard to come by) but was also very expensive. And as it was, he was already eating his mom out of house and home, as she constantly reminded him. This girl looked like she just picked up the first thing off of the floor and threw it on. But he knew not to judge people by their looks. Everyone always expected that because he was tall and black, he wanted to be in the NBA. People always looked slightly confused when he explained that what he really loved was working with computers. All he ever wanted was to do something in the tech field. He spent his free time taking computers apart and rebuilding them and programming them to do what he wanted. He once spent an entire weekend writing a code that resulted in a figure walking across the screen bouncing, ironically, a basketball. He called his mom in to see it, totally psyched about what he had done and she looked at it and responded “That’s it, that’s what you have been doing in here for two days?” She shook her head amusedly and just sighed, “Reese…you and these computers.” Not exactly the response he had been looking for but it still made him smile secure in the knowledge that she really loved him. Her love for him radiated from him in a million different ways. It was in his gentle unassuming spirit, and the kindness and generosity of his actions. She was raising him to be a good man and for his part, he did his best to live up to her faith in him.
And so, as he stood there looking at Emma, he knew instinctively that this girl needed some help and that he was going to find some way to help her.
Chapter 2.
Emma sat there in the booth across from Fred and Reese wondering why the hell she had agreed to come to eat with them. It had all happened rather quickly. Reese had dismissed her protests saying that since they were inviting her to eat with them, they would naturally pay. As he spoke to her, Fred turned on his heels, calling out over his shoulder that he would go get them all a table, leaving her alone there with Reese.
“Listen,” Reese said softly, “you don’t need to say anything but just come eat with us.” He paused for a second, gathering his thoughts; not wanting to spook her off.
“Free food,” he said jokingly putting his hands out to each side like a used car salesman making a hard sell, “you know you want it.” There was something about the silliness of the display that that made her laugh despite herself. “Ok” she said and followed him across the street to the Pizza Hut.
But now, as she sat there with the two of them, all her distrust started creeping back in. She still could not figure out why they had invited her or, more importantly, why she had been so stupid as to come. In her experience, people did not do stuff like this unless they wanted something from you. Sooner or later, the cost of that pizza (and God knows what else) was going to be hung over her head as ammunition for something. But they didn’t seem like those kind of people. Screw that, everyone was that kind of person. Some people just hide it better than others.
But who was she kidding, of the three people sitting at this table the one most likely to be hiding something was her. Reese and Fred sat there, across from her, evidently really enjoying each other’s company. There was an ease of conversation between them that only exists amidst genuine affection. Their conversation reminded her of a tree rocking in the wind. She used to spend hours up on the roof of her parents house watching the leaves of the black olive trees sway in the wind and listening to the sounds of the birds. She also spied on her neighbors. People in equal measure fascinated her, confused her and scared her. But the trees, well watching them just made her feel calm.
That was what it was like watching Reese and Fred. She had never personally felt the type of ease and familiarity with another person that these two had with each other. She had never had a real conversation with another person for that matter; at least not that she could remember. With her family, all conversation was either conducted in terrifying screams or even more terrifying silences. But whatever, that didn’t matter; she was fairly sure she was done with “family” for good this time. Her mother had made it very clear that she wished Emma were dead. Her father, she was sure, would be fed some bullshit story by her mom in which she starred as the most villainous antagonist who ever lived. Right about now her father, provided the screaming portion of the evening was over, was probably sighing and shaking his head wondering how things had gone so terribly wrong with Emma. As she looked at Reese and Fred she felt a deep pang of sadness, wishing she could have the type of relationship they had with her own dad. Regardless of everything she loved him…only him.
“Hmm hmm,” Fred cleared his throat. “You ever heard the phrase you can lead a horse to water…” Fred trailed off, his gaze shifting back and forth between Emma and the untouched pizza on the plate in front of her. Reese inadvertently snorted at the comment and then did his best to cover it up by pretending he too was clearing his throat. But, try as he might, he couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face.
She couldn’t help but smile timidly back at him. God, what was it about him! Every instinct she was raised to have was usually screaming when she was this close to people. And though the nervousness was still there making her slightly queasy, another part of her just wanted to rest her arms on the table, put her head down, and just watch them until she fell asleep. The thought of sleep quickly brought her back to reality, she had nowhere to sleep.
“Looks like it is going to be another night sleeping on the beach” she thought. She wasn’t quite up to going to the shelter just yet. It would take her a few days to build up the courage for that one. She hated Miami but during these frequent bouts of homelessness she was grateful for living in South Florida. What would her life have been like if she had been born somewhere where it got cold? She shivered at the thought. At least here there were miles of warm, un-patrolled beaches to crash on in a pinch (as long as it wasn’t raining).
She sighed deeply and said, “I’m really not that hungry. I mean…I appreciate…it’s nice…I don’t want…” Her voiced trailed off. Why couldn’t she ever talk to people? Every time she tried to open her mouth it came out wrong. She wanted to cry again. Her mom was right, she couldn’t do anything right after all. Fred looked at her for a second and said, “I’ll be right back.” She watched him as he left the table, scared of what he might do, but the tension in her muscles eased just a bit when she realized he was heading for the bathroom.
She was alone with Reese. He didn’t say anything. He gave her a sly smile and then grabbed a slice of pizza off of the pan and shoved the entire thing into his mouth up to the crust. He attempted to smile at her but it came across as a warped, cockeyed, disfigured grin. He then began the long task of actually chewing the piece of pizza. It took him almost an entire minute. When he was done, he promptly grabbed his soda to wash down the last of it with one hand, and another slice with his other hand. As he raised the slice to his mouth he winked at her and opened his mouth as wide as he could in preparation for the second piece. As he stuffed it into his mouth whole, her resistance finally broke and she started laughing freely. As he clumsily chewed the second piece she finally picked up her slice and took a small, timid bite, napkin ready in hand should anything spill.
The pizza was standard Pizza Hut fare and the familiarity of it felt good to her. She wasn’t a huge fan of pizza in general but being as hungry as she was made it taste like the best food she had ever had in her life. When all was said and done she ate three slices while Reese polished off another four.
“You eat a lot for someone your size.” Emma looked up at Reese with wide eyes, suddenly afraid she had royally screwed up. The last mouthful of pizza suddenly turned cold and distasteful in her mouth.
“You see, someone my size can pretty much eat whatever they want and no one says anything because it is expected that I am going to eat like a pig. But you, well most girls would have called it quits after one or two pieces tops.” He smiled teasingly and Emma relaxed when she realized he was just joking with her. She swallowed the cold pizza in her mouth and said, “Thanks, I guess…” After a moments pause she added, “I could eat a few more but I was trying to be polite since, well since…y’know.” She motioned at the restaurant around them in explanation.
“Actually I don’t know,” he replied questioningly, “I mean, we invited you…it’s OK to pig out. We’re all friends here.” He said the last words matter-of-factly as though they were completely true.
“Actually, we are not friends,” she replied defiantly. “I don’t even know you.” She spat the words at him with more malice than she intended but he looked at her nonplussed by her sudden anger.
“Yes we are. You just don’t know it yet.” He took another bite of pizza and then continued.”
“You see, you and I, we are best friends.” He leaned conspiratorially towards her as he continued. “When I saw you in the bus station talking to my Granddad, you looked really familiar and I suddenly realized that I knew you…” He let the last few words just hang in the air and she searched his face suspiciously, trying to figure out what his deal was. She was sure that he was trying to manipulate her somehow but she couldn’t figure out what his endgame was. The most confusing thing was that he looked totally serious and completely sincere.
“I swear, I have never met you before,” was all she could think to reply. He smiled disarmingly at her reply.
“Well maybe not this version of me. But you have met me before.”
Now she was the one smiling, having been distracted by his enigmatic tone. She decided to play along with his little game and see where it would take her.
“Oh, that’s right. You were that annoying guy who used to follow me around and randomly buy me pizza,” she teased.
“No,” he said, “I was that guy who always looked out for you.” She froze at his words, suddenly inexplicably choked up with emotion. She dropped her gaze down to her hands resting on the table because she knew that in her heart, she wanted him to be that guy. Her eyes started to tear up as she tried to make sense of him and of what she was feeling.
He reached across the table and gently placed his hand delicately over hers.
They sat there that way for a long time without either of them saying anything. Emma stared at their hands on the table, hers small, scarred and injured; his large, gentle and graceful.
He was right. He was her best friend; her only friend and when she finally looked up into his kind, compassionate eyes all she could do was smile and say, “OK then.”
Chapter 3
“Well my dear,” said Fred after dinner, “thank you so much for joining us for dinner this evening. I don’t suppose that we could offer you a ride home?” His tone indicated that he already knew she would say no and the fleeting look that passed between him and Reese only reinforced her suspicion that they knew she had no place to go. She struggled to find the right thing to tell them. She knew that they had probably already figured out the truth but she was not ready to admit her situation to anyone; especially Reese. But, she was afraid that once they left the parking lot she would never see him again and that scared her more than anything. Although she didn’t really know anything about him, she knew that he was special.
Reese sensed her struggle and answered his Granddad’s question for her.
“Next time, right?”
“Yeah,” she smiled, grateful for his intervention. “I actually have someone coming to get me. She should be here in about a half hour; but thanks for the offer.”
“All right then, we should head home, I have to get this one home to his mother before she disowns us both,” Fred said with a chuckle while motioning towards Reese. Though Emma inexplicably bristled a little at the mention of Reese’s mother, she smiled politely and quietly said, “Right, well um thanks again.” Her voice became almost inaudible with the last few words. Despite herself, her throat was choking up with emotion. She was never going to see him again. She turned and looked away off down the street behind her so that she wouldn’t have to see them leave and so that they wouldn’t see her start to cry. As she stared at the cars passing through the intersection down the block, she felt Reese walk up behind her and gently put his hand on her shoulder. She was too overcome to move or to shrug him off (if not beat him off) as she would normally do.
“I am going to give you my number and you are going to call me.” He walked around in front of her and bent down towards her in order to catch her downcast eyes. She looked up at him silent and apprehensive, tears already staining her cheeks.
“You will call me.” He said again as he picked up her hand and placed a napkin in her palm. The feel of her hands in his made her feel small and vulnerable. She looked down at their hands and wondered when he had written his number on it. When she looked back up into his eyes, the concern they betrayed was a little bit heartbreaking. She could see that he was just as afraid of never seeing her again as she was of never seeing him. They stood there that way for a moment longer. All traces of the silly, smiling boy from dinner were gone. The Reese that stood in front of her now was eying her with an intensity and force that unnerved her and made her feel as though he were reading her every thought and which sent a deep shiver down her spine.
“OK,” she whispered shaking her head slowly in assent. She took a deep breath and her exhalation came out in shudders. For some reason, the shaking of her breath made him smile and his intensity instantly dissipated with the warmth of his smile.
He reached up and squeezed her nose teasingly then headed back towards Fred covering the ground to the car quickly with his long gait. Emma was suddenly struck by the fact that, though they had said but a few words, they seemed to understand each other in an unspoken way. She had never felt anything like that before. Never before had she ever looked into someone’s eyes and felt so sure that she knew exactly what the person was thinking. She felt as though the two of them could probably exchange their lives’ stories without ever speaking a word. Now, she too, was smiling.
“Tomorrow,” he yelled back to her as he got in the car, giving her one last, beautiful smile. She laughed at the look he was giving her from the car and returned his smile while shaking her head with an emphatic yes. She felt a little giddy and more than a little silly as she stood there waving at their departing car. And then they were gone.
Once they were out of view, Reese’s spell quickly broke. Emma looked around the Pizza Hut parking lot and was suddenly aware of the fact that she was standing alone in a dark parking lot at 10:00pm.
“Shit.,” she muttered to herself suddenly angry for having let herself get pulled into dinner with Fred and Reese. She should be at the beach by now. If she had just left the bus station three hours ago, she would already be on the beach and might have found Amy or Jane and crashed at one of their houses for the night. By this time, everyone would probably be heading home. Since it was a Saturday, there was a good chance that she might be able to hook up with Becky because she and Joe went out every single Friday and Saturday night without fail. She scanned the Pizza Hut to see if they had a payphone before heading back to the bus terminal to use the phone there.
Becky’s phone rang seven times before she answered it with an annoyed, “What!”
“It’s Emme, what are you up to?”
“Just got out of the shower, Joe and I are going to go walk Washington… We would have left earlier but I figured I would probably hear from you sometime tonight. So, I’m guessing shit didn’t go so well at home.”
“What do you think?” Emma replied sarcastically.
“Figures,” replied Becky. “It will take me about ten minutes to get dressed; just tell me where you are this time and I’ll come get you.”
“I’m off of 119th by the Pizza Hut,” Emma replied with trepidation, as she knew she was a good thirty minutes from Becky’s house.
“You couldn’t have headed somewhere closer,” Becky responded, annoyed that she has going to lose an hour of her night driving over to get Emma.
“I was going to catch a bus down to Bayside, but I got distracted. It’s a long story. I’m sorry. I totally understand if you can’t make it.” Emma didn’t really mean it but it was the polite thing to say and she knew that Becky, though always willing to help, prided herself on being someone who did everything on her own terms and needed to be in control of most situations.
“Fine, whatever,” Becky replied exasperated, “I will be there in like an hour. I have to go get Joe first. Until then you just stay safe, got it?” she chided. The last few words had been delivered as an order.
“Got it,” Emma replied with all due seriousness, relieved that she wasn’t going to have to spend the rest of her night walking to get back down to South Beach.
Once she hung up with Becky, she found a seat by the window with a clear view of the Pizza Hut. She threw herself warily into the chair hugging her bag to her chest for a moment before pulling out the copy of Persuasion from her bag. She found her page, and attempted to read. She didn’t get very far. Now that she had a full stomach and a place to stay, her mind was free to wander. She put the book on her lap and rubbed her face wearily then turned her attention to the view from the window. She wasn’t really looking at anything in particular. She just stared blindly out the window while she replayed the events of the day in her head.
She was used to the unpredictability of her life, but today had been an especially crazy day with such extreme highs and lows that it was almost too much for even her to handle. Her eyes wandered down to her right hand and she gingerly fingered the deep cuts that tore across it. She had never done anything like that before and still couldn’t quite believe that she had actually done that to herself. She breathed in sharply, shaking the memory, not yet ready to face what had transpired at her parents’ house that afternoon.
Her thoughts then shifted to her dinner with Fred and Reese. Although they had only left about twenty minutes ago, it already felt like a lifetime ago to her. It didn’t seem real. She pulled the napkin out of her pocket and looked at it for the first time. Written on the napkin in small, messy writing were his name, number and the words, “Rocking Chair.” Underneath those words he had also written, “If you want to know what that means you HAVE to call me,” and a smiley face. She smiled and shook her head as she read it.
“He’s crazy,” she thought with a giggle. She replayed the entire encounter with him in her head and was struck by how easily she had been convinced to join them. She was losing her edge. The fact that she had followed two strangers out into the open and had been convinced to eat food offered by them scared her. She had rules that she lived by and which she had honed over the three years she had lived on the street. Primary among those rules were her rules about food. She only ate food that was pre-packaged and unopened. The same went for drinks and if she ever turned her attention away from her food-even for a split second-it was garbage. She had learned to err on the side of safety less someone slip something in her food. There were new drugs circulating that guys had started slipping into girls drinks at parties and clubs and knowing her city, they were probably in use far beyond the club scene. So, despite her constant, daily struggle to find something to eat, she rarely ever accepted food from anyone. The result was that she spent most of her time feeling slightly nauseous and often had terrible migraines.
The nausea she was experience right now, as she thought about day, had nothing to do with hunger. In fact it was just the opposite. Sometimes, after going a while without eating, she would get sick when she finally did get something to eat. A wave of nausea rolled over her as she thought about how she must have looked to Fred and Reese at the bus station. She was overwhelmed with embarrassment and shame. She was pathetic. Her life had instilled in her a sense of futility. No matter what she did, it was never the right thing. She always ended up angry, broken and alone. She had come to feel that the sole purpose of her existence was to serve as a measuring-stick by which other people could feel better about themselves. And if they didn’t initially feel superior to her, it was her experience that everyone eventually found a way to degrade her until they did.
She doubted that Reese was any different. Or at least that was the thought that ran through her head, though it was disingenuous. She felt that he was different. She chalked that up to her being stupid. She always believed that everyone was essentially good and she wanted to trust in someone and to have someone who would look out for her. Time after time, she believed people when they said that they cared or that they wanted to help and time after time her trust was abused and she was left with nothing but proof that no one could ever be trusted.
Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice when Becky and Joe pulled up across the street. She was torn out of her reverie by Becky’s horn blaring in the distance. “Crap,” she muttered as she grabbed her stuff and rushed out to meet them.
“What the hell!” Becky exclaimed angrily through her open window when Emma finally reached the car. “Bitch,” she continued, “I do you a favor and you leave me sitting here like some kind of fucking chauffer.” Emma cringed inwardly. She knew Becky well enough to know that her ego was not going to be easily satisfied this time. Becky was used to being the one waited on, not the other way around. In truth, Emma didn’t really like her all that much. She was a spoiled brat whose parents were too wealthy and busy to take too much notice of what Becky did. As penance for their inattentiveness, they threw money at their daughter. So, Becky pretty much got whatever she wanted. At seventeen, she had a brand new Mazda RX-7 and the guesthouse in her parents’ back yard all to herself. This made her a convenient ally for Emma to have because she could come and go without too many questions being asked. The downside was that when Becky was in one of her moods or became aware that Emma had been around a while, Emma had to make herself as small, pathetic, and grateful as possible. Basically she had to kiss her ass and play the perfect little puppy dog-lackey-servant. It wasn’t that hard for her to do.
“I’m sorry, I had to go to the bathroom and the one in the Pizza Hut was locked. You guys got here faster than I expected.” Emma knew that Becky prided herself on her driving so she squeezed in the speed comment knowing that Becky would take it as a compliment of her driving. In truth Becky drove with a reckless disregard that was characteristic of most of her actions. In Emma’s eyes, her carelessness was just another mark of her privilege; poor people didn’t have the luxury of acting so impetuously.
Emma was the complete opposite of Becky. All of her actions were carefully calculated and deliberate. Everything she did was done tentatively and with a direct awareness of the consequences of her actions. Though sometimes it may look like she did things at the last minute; that was more a product of her situation than a lack of foresight.
She attempted to get into Becky’s car but just as she grabbed the door handle, Becky hit the accelerator and the car lunged forward a few feet. Apparently Emma’s sin wasn’t going to be forgiven that easily this time. She walked slowly back up to the passenger side door, taking her time getting there so that she could think of the right thing to say to appease Becky’s ego. She could see Becky eyeing her in the rear view mirror with a haughty, teasing expression. Right before she reached the car door, Emma plopped down onto the floor, sitting down right next to the car out of Becky’s view.
“Hey,” Becky exclaimed, “What the hell are you doing now?” Emma kept her head tilted towards the floor hiding the smile she was having trouble repressing.
“Praying to God that you don’t run over me when you leave.” In response to her quip, Joe snorted loudly and started laughing. Emma heard Becky smack him reply.
“Asshole.”
Becky’s outburst did not phase Joe at all; that was one of the only things that Emma liked about Joe. He was usually so high that he had no clue where he was but that also meant that he was rarely bothered by anything that happened around him. He laughed at just about everything.
Becky stormed out of the car, slamming the car door behind her and then came around the car to stand over Emma and glare down at her. Emma didn’t look up but instead shifted her position so that she was on her knees in front of her friend with her hands folded in repose in front of her.
“Dear God,” she began in choked voice that mimicked the most over-the-top televangelist she could think of, “Please grant my beautiful, amazing friend Becky a heart full of forgiveness,” she sniffed loudly and repressed a dramatic sob. “Lord, show her how deeply and eternally grateful I am for her kindness and generosity. For Lord, if it were not of the blessing of your most precious daughter, I would forever languish as the lowly street urchin with a big ass that we all know that I am.”
At the last words, Becky’s anger dissipated and she started laughing.
“Get up,” she muttered in exasperation. “You’re crazy, you know that.”
Emma quickly gathered up her stuff off of the pavement and hugged Becky enthusiastically. She kissed her on the cheek and teased, “True but you know you love it…you’re life would be totally boring without me.”
“Ha,” said Joe at that comment, stepping out of the car so that Emma could climb into the back.
“Trust me, if you weren’t around, I would keep her busy,” he intimated as he slapped Becky’s ass. Emma involuntarily blushed and pretended she didn’t see what he had done. The thought of Becky and Joe having sex made her uncomfortable. She knew that they hadn’t done it yet but it was very much the focus of most of Becky’s conversations with her. Should she or shouldn’t she? Emma got the feeling that Becky wanted Emma to tell her not to do it but she couldn’t exactly put her finger on why. She knew that Becky was hiding something from her-something important- but she didn’t know what it was or why. Sometimes when she and Becky were alone, Becky would stare at her as though she was about to say something but whatever it was Becky hadn’t let it out yet. Emma figured she would spit it out eventually and decided not to push her about it. Besides, she didn’t like things to get too complicated.
“So,” Becky said, climbing back into the driver’s seat, “What happened with the parents? Did you get any money?” Emma cringed at the mention of her parents. There was no way in hell that she was going to tell them what really happened. She took a deep breath and sighed.
“Nah, the bitch was in rare form this time.” Emma replied in the brusque tone she usually used when she was with Becky. Over the years she had gotten pretty good at figuring out what people wanted her to be like and then playing that part. Becky preferred a version of Emma that was either totally at her beck and call or a loud, brash and ready to do something outrageous at a moments notice version. It all depended on what mood Becky was in. The moment Becky arrived, Emma realized that tonight was a going to be a “go crazy” kind of night.
Emma continued, “ She wasn’t home when I got there so I was able to take a shower in peace.” Emma thought about what happened when she stepped out of the shower and forced the memory as far down as she could.
“I was grabbing some clean clothes when she got home,” she lied. She sighed again running her fingers through her hair searching for what to say next.
“Uh huh and…” Becky prodded excited to hear a juicy story.
“And,” Emme replied, “as soon as she saw me she headed straight for the kitchen and grabbed a knife off of the butcher block. I had almost made it to the door before she got me from behind by the hair.”
“Shit,” Joe replied, now interested too. He looked at Emme in the rearview mirror with an awed expression on his face.
“Anyway, she dragged me back into the kitchen and pulled a garbage bag out of the cupboard under the sink.”
“What,” Becky shifted her gaze back and forth between the road and the mirror, “that makes no sense,” she continued puzzled. “Why did she do that?”
“Get this,” Emma replied, “she had a bag of empty containers that was like two weeks old that she was saving because she was convinced I stole it.”
‘Seriously!” Becky exclaimed now laughing. “That woman is crazy!”
“Yeah,” Emme continued enjoying Becky’s reaction. “So I am standing there, bent halfway over because she has me by the hair, and she is waving this knife around in my face telling me she is going to kill me if I fucking steal from her again AND that it will be a justified homicide because I am nothing but some stupid fucking delinquent and nobody will ever fucking miss me… And a whole lot more shit like that. I can’t remember all of it.”
“I don’t know why you don’t just lay her out,” Joe said, “Aren’t you like seven inches taller than her?”
“Yeah, but I can’t do something like that; she’s my Mom.” Joe looked at her skeptically, totally unsatisfied with her answer.
“Whatever!” Becky replied sarcastically. “like she wouldn’t slit your throat for a fix.” Emma didn’t know exactly how to respond. Her mom wasn’t a drug addict but she had kind of implied that she might possibly have some kind of dependency issue in order to explain her mom’s craziness. She didn’t know how else to explain why her mom acted the way she did. People never understood.
After a moment’s silence Becky asked, “So what happened next?”
“Nothing, she ranted for a bit longer then she heard my Dad walk in the front door and turned into the Sugar Monster.”
“Ugh,” Becky groaned, “I can’t believe your Dad buys that crap.”
Emme’s Mom was a master manipulator. When she was alone with her daughter she excised cruelty and torture feely and with a twisted pleasure. Whenever anyone else was around, you would think she was a candidate for Mom of the Year. She had mastered the art of false kindness. Emma shuddered, as she thought of her own manipulation of Becky and recoiled at the thought that she might be a little like her mom in that she could switch her demeanor and her entire personality in a second if she needed too. She placated herself with the thought that while her mother’s kindness was false, Emma’s hubris was her false face. She silently wondered if she even knew how to just be herself and how to stop pretending. Doubtless Becky probably wouldn’t like the real her very much.
She suddenly remembered her encounter with Reese and almost blurted out what happened to Becky. She opened her mouth to speak and then shut it silently. She wanted to keep him private. She sank back into the seat with her knees under her chin free to get lost in her thoughts now that Becky had been entertained and had turned her attention back over to her boyfriend.
They were just about to head over the McCarthur Bridge so Emma took a deep breath and relaxed. It was early November and the air was warm and soothing now that some of the oppressive humidity of the summer was gone. Becky had left the windows open and the three of them lapsed into silence as the warm air whipped around them. The sunroof was open too and Emma stared up at the few stars that were visible through the city lights and was overwhelmed by how beautiful everything seemed. With the two connected bridges rising out in front of her like a row of landlocked stars reflected on the inky black water of Biscayne Bay and her hair tickling her face, Emma couldn’t help but smile. For the second time that evening she was overcome with exhaustion and longed for sleep.
Chapter 4
“Where are we going?” she asked Becky sleepily with a yawn. Becky eyed her accusingly in the mirror. “Don’t you get all sleepy on me, we have a lot to do tonight.” Emma sighed, she had been afraid Becky would say something like that. She looked out the window as Becky turned onto Alton and headed towards South Beach. Emma resigned herself to the realization that her head probably wouldn’t hit a pillow for another seven or eight hours.
The Art Deco homes flew by her in a blur as Becky sped down the winding road. Emma adoringly watched them pass by. She had long since memorized each and every home on the street. She, like so many people who lived on the outside, wondered what it would be like to live in one of them. However, the main thing about the homes that appealed to her was the individuality they exuded. Each one was totally unique. She hated driving through the more recent developments down in South Dade where every home was a version of three different cookie-cutter model homes and where one street was indistinguishable from the next.
Becky lived in one of the big houses on Alton Road and Emma adored the house. It was a Spanish villa complete with a courtyard and a fountain between the main house and the guesthouse in the back. Becky’s guesthouse had French doors that opened up to the pool and so she and Emma would often leave the doors open at night so that they could enjoy the view. Some of her best moments at Becky’s house had been spent lying on her stomach on Becky’s bed facing the pool and watching the ripples in the water be illuminated by the pool light. She really wanted to be in that bed right now.
“So what are these big plans that we have for tonight?”
“Well, “ Becky replied slyly, “you will just have to wait and see.” Typical Becky, Emma had a feeling she wasn’t going to enjoy whatever it was that Becky had in store for her that night. She was exhausted and anxious and wanted more than anything to just crawl up somewhere and sleep it all off. Although each new day brought with it an entire new set of fears and apprehensions, sometimes a good night’s sleep could make a huge difference. But, it was rare that she ever got one. Most nights she was too terrified or too caught up in anxiety to sleep.
As it turned out, on this night, Becky didn’t really have anything that outlandish planned. The tree of them met up with Luis, Joe’s best friend, and walked around on Washington, Collins and Ocean for a few hours. Around 3am they headed over to the 11th Street Diner. They ordered coffee and French toast and then just chilled out there for another two hours. While there, Becky and Joe went on and on for what felt like forever about the MC Escher-esque mural in the part of the diner they were seated in. Luis just sat sprawled out in his chair and stared at the thing, occasionally laughing to himself. The whole night ended up being a pretty routine night for the four of them.
Emma was so relieved when they finally got back to Beck’s house at around 6am. Emma threw her bag into its usual corner, kicked her shoes off and gingerly crawled into the bed while Becky went to the bathroom. She discarded her flannel shirt and reached into her packets to empty them, pulling out the napkin from Reese. She held it gingerly for a few moments thinking she should get up and hide it in her bag but she was too exhausted to move and instead put on the floor next to the bed where she had dropped her shirt.
When she woke, it was almost noon. She had been sound asleep but something had startled her awake. She looked around the room searching for the source of the disturbance that had woken her. It was then that she realized Becky wasn’t in bed. The French doors were wide open and the sun was shining brightly beyond them. Emma squinted as the sunlight reflected off of the water in the pool making her already bleary eyes ache. The thin white curtains that framed the doors were being pulled out towards the pool by the slight breeze and, despite the glare, Emma was struck by how beautiful it was. She lay back down, shifting her position sideways so that she could continue to look out at the peaceful sight in front of her. She sighed, pulled the bed sheet up under her chin and tucked her knees in close to her. As always happened when she was alone in Becky’s room she pretended that she was lying in her bed, in her room, her house. She imagined that this was her life and that she was the one who got to wake up to such beauty every day.
It was only a moment before her illusion was broken when Becky jumping into the doorway with a loud, somewhat obnoxious, “Good Morning Sunshine!” Becky bounded across the room and threw herself onto the bed next to Emma.
“Why are you up so early?” Emma asked.
“Lawn men,” Becky replied motioning out towards the pool. It was then that Emma figured out what had woken her. It had been one of the workmen wielding a weed whacker. He was trimming all of the foliage around the pool.
“But,” said Becky slyly looking at Emma out of the corner of her eye, “I couldn’t have slept anyway seeing as my best friend is keeping a secret from me.” With that Becky flipped around to sit Indian style in front of Emma with her elbows resting on her knees. She stared straight into Emma eyes with a teasing expression on her face.
“What secret?” Emma asked suspiciously; suddenly very awake. She had, over the years, spun a rather intricate web of lies around herself and instantly panicked at the thought that Becky had somehow caught her in one of her lies.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Becky continued, “the kind of secret that could destroy what could have otherwise been something amazing.”
“What?” Emma muttered, now totally confused and more than a little frightened. She pulled herself upright in the bed with a jerk. She struggled to find some other response to Becky’s enigmatic accusations, but after a few truncated, stammered responses, she fell silent, resolving not to say anything until she knew exactly what Becky was talking about.
